Friday, January 13, 2017

Fall in Love with Writing

I don't remember exactly when I fell in love with writing. It must of been the countless pages I'd written over the years. of my feelings, life and experience. Writing seems to be the only place that I can actually hear the real me come through. My head doesn't go as fast, and if I want to reword, or rewrite something, I have that option. Whereas with spoken word, there is this sense that once you say something, you can't get it back. Unless you don't have an eraser, or back button; Then your screwed. Writing has been a release of emotions for my of my life. I didn't always tell myself that I was an author/artist. Now, I know that I am, and I finally realize that I don't need the approval of anyone else to know something about myself. Besides, most of the greats, are not known for such a title until after this life is long gone. Right? Writing brings me to life, it makes me feel, think and know things in my life, that I can't figure out without writing. When I'm not writing, I know it's because emotionally, I don't want to deal with whatever it is in my life that is going on. Everything just bottles itself up, until my fingers hit the keyboard or pen, and even then, not all of what's inside will come out. The torture for a writer, is asking herself whether or not to include herself within her writing. Eventually, what I've come to realize is, that's all their is, really. Because whatever is on these pages, has also travelled through my mind, which in all reality is self. I've been scared to publish for the world, because what I publish fills my heart, and my heart is fragile and I would rather write for self-healing than fame any day of the week. However, it is self-healing that has brought me to share my writing with whom ever will read the pages. I know that I have been prompted many times in my life to share my gift with others, both in my writing and in my intuition. I want to believe in my life, that I have been willing to be kind, loving and helpful. It is this very reason, I know that I love writing. Some of the best times of my life have been when I have been kind. The most blessings come from loving and I forget about my own problems for half a second when I'm helping others. If for a second or a minute someone has relief from their own trials while reading something I wrote, it would be the ultimate thing in my life.
Math never made sense to me, Life has never been 2+ 2=4! Life is never that simple, and even when it looks like it's going to be that simple, it isn't. Life is full of color, including grey. I probably don't really understand math, really then because I bet, math is really like this, the deep you get the more you realize math is not about exact answers. Answers always bring more questions. In math, I couldn't find my perfect fit. Language and the beauty therein, has always fascinated me. How could language be so powerful? Create Family. War. Love. Hate. The two edge sword can hold more power than a politicians pockets. Most of the time, my writing is discombobulated and scatter brained. I've always written like that, I didn't think that there was any value in it. Until, I started to realize that I was made for a reason the way that I was, and I should do it to the best of my ability. That's what I intend to do, I intend to write with heart, and structure, but when I can't, I will just be myself, and let the rest follow. <3